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On the eve of the first day of school, the jury is still out for me as to whether this quote about anxiety and the average psychiatric patient is backed up by research, but I wouldn’t be surprised. I recently spoke with a middle school guidance counselor and asked what the biggest concern he observed today in students.

His answer?   You guessed it, Anxiety.

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As school starts back tomorrow, there likely will be a few nervous children. In our communities and perhaps in your very own home there are children wondering what this upcoming school year may bring.  In many of these cases the question is not whether anxiety will occur, but, what can you as a parent do to help? We thought we’d share some thoughts.

  1. Empathy is key.  Consider carving out a moment to remember back to the time when you were the age of your child.  Go ahead. If the student in question is in high school, be intentional about going back to that time yourself. What we think they are worried about, may not necessarily be what is worrying them at all.  My contributors to anxiety at sixteen were making sure I fit in, knowing my outfit was up to par, and praying I could escape a bad grade in Algebra.  Today these are clearly identified as low triggers of concern, but they still resulted in my experiencing brief moments of anxiety. I can’t imagine if the media bombardment of today specific to terrorism, school shootings, and racial tension existed.  I am not even sure I’d step foot on campus! Adding to that, the increased competitive environment for grades and getting into college has stepped up significantly. Throw social media into that mix and it is fair to say, our children live in an entirely different culture than the one we grew up in. Listening to what they have to say while acknowledging the difficulties they face is vital. Although some parents may fear this acknowledgement could invite excuses, I have found the opposite.  Empathy invites the confirmation of knowing you are seen. Tackling something difficult with support and encouragement increases courage, especially believing someone back home is in your court and “gets it”.  Empathize.
  2. Seek to really understand. Anxiety is such a broad term that until we pinpoint the origin of where it may be coming from, we are limited in helping to decrease the symptoms. Depending on the trigger, the focus for where to begin to help could be different.  For example, being prone to anxiety genetically is different than being introduced to it from an outside source. Other things to look out for are whether the anxiety stems from social situations or from personally imposed standards. Is your child nervous about social situations? Grades? Fear of something out of the ordinary happening? Narrow down what is worrying them. Not only does this invite an opportunity to reflect and empathize, it helps you gain perspective as a parent about how your child is viewing life.
  3. Many fears are quite easy to work with, and the facts of a particular situation may just need further clarification. If a child is worried a friend who has invited them over “may” have a dog when your child does not like dogs, could find quick resolution after speaking with the other parent.  Some anxiety fears are obviously more challenging and professional intervention warranted, but not always. When it is the case, there are a multitude of interventions that a properly trained professional is able to introduce and within several sessions, improvements will likely be noted.  Anxiety is one of the most common symptoms that brings children to see a counselor. However, it is important to not forget guidance counselors can address mild anxiety as well. Many even create groups for peers to discuss their feelings together. Don’t hesitate to check into your school community and take advantage of the resources they have.
  4. Finally,  as a parent myself, I like to stress that our children are always looking to us for how to feel. If we are worried, it invites them to worry as well.  It may be interesting to ask a spouse or good friend if you are exhibiting any of the same character traits you are observing in your own child. The good news is, it is never too late to become mindful about what we may be passing along.   Education, awareness. and application of appropriate interventions can, and does do wonders, for both children and their families. I have seen many parents take some of the very tools I give their children, use them personally, and return excited to report improvements with their own anxiety.

Worried or not, tomorrow is a big day for many of us, sure to bring about a lot of varied feelings, for both kids and parents alike. Remembering the message of encouragement and love is by far the best thing you can offer. Thankfully these they happen to be something we all can provide leaving our children all the better for it.

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Helpful Links:

APA, Teen Anxiety and Stress

 

Kalos Counseling, LLC. 6300 Hospital Parkway, Suite 105, Johns Creek, GA. 30097